15 Best Novelty Bongs: Hemper Glass Ranked
At a Glance
Hemper builds working borosilicate water pipes shaped like takeout boxes, balloon dogs, ramen cups, and arcade cabinets. Angies Boutique stocks 15 of them, at $59.99 for standard sizes and $119.99 for XL. Three have real percolators, so if you want the glass to filter as well as entertain, those are the three to look at.
What You Need to Know
Two prices, one decision. Standard pieces are $59.99 and sit between 4.5 and 7 inches. XL pieces are $119.99, run 6 to 11 inches, and several add percolators. If you are buying this as a gift or a shelf piece, price is the only real variable. If you are buying it to use daily, skip to the three with percs.
How These Are Ranked
Recognizability first, function second, size third. A novelty bong earns its price by being the thing people point at, so designs that read instantly from across a room rank above designs that need explaining. Where two pieces are equally striking, the one with a percolator or a second size option wins.
The 15 Best Hemper Bongs, Ranked
1. Chinese Takeout Bong — from $59.99
Hemper's most famous piece and the one that made the brand recognizable. A glass takeout container with the wire handle and printed pagoda, available in a 6-inch standard and a 9-inch XL. It reads instantly, it comes in two sizes, and it has the deepest stock of any bong here.
2. Balloon Dog XL Bong — $119.99
Gold electroplated, 7.6 inches, and Hemper's signature form. The ear is the mouthpiece and the tail holds the bowl, which is the detail that makes people pick it up. The mirror-gold finish is what separates it from the standard version below.
3. That 70's Lamp XL Bong — $119.99
A lava lamp in glass, 10.5 inches tall, and the only piece here with a double perc. That makes it the best-filtering bong in the lineup and the one to buy if daily function matters as much as the shape. Two in stock.
4. Ramen Cup Bong — from $59.99
An instant-noodle cup with glass chopsticks standing in it, in a 7-inch standard and 8.6-inch XL. Anchors Hemper's deepest series, so a matching hand pipe and Peak Top exist if you want the set.
5. Sitting Balloon Dog Bong — $59.99
The Balloon Dog at half the price, 5.5 inches, in iridescent blue rather than gold. Same ear-mouthpiece and tail-bowl layout. This is the one to buy if you want the icon without the XL budget.
6. Lucky Cat XL Bong — $119.99
A 7-inch Maneki-Neko in clear glass with the raised paw, red collar, and an amber coin pot forming the chamber. The most detailed sculpting in the lineup, and the piece that looks least like a bong at a glance.
7. Snail XL Bong — $119.99
Six inches with a large showerhead perc, which puts it second only to the 70's Lamp on filtration. The shell spiral does the visual work while the perc does the actual work.
8. Tea Cup Bong — $59.99
The value pick on function. A 6-inch white and gold teacup with a showerhead perc at $59.99, making it the only standard-priced piece here with real filtration. If you want a perc without the XL price, this is the one.
9. Totally Rad Arcade Bong — $59.99
A 5.4-inch glass arcade cabinet with joystick, PRESS START screen, and 80s geometric print across the sides. The most detailed print work Hemper does, and the obvious gift for anyone who grew up feeding quarters into machines.
10. High Jinx Cartoon XL Bong — $119.99
Eleven inches of glass middle finger in the white-glove cartoon style. The tallest piece Hemper makes and the least subtle object in this entire article. Buy accordingly.
11. Bowlman Lantern Bong — $59.99
A 7-inch glass lantern, and the most restrained shape in the lineup. Sits comfortably on a shelf next to things that are not bongs, which is the entire appeal.
12. Scare Bears Teddy Bear Bong — $59.99
A 5.7-inch frosted amber teddy with stitched seams, a button eye, and a sewn-shut mouth. Hemper's horror-adjacent design and the strongest October seller in the range.
13. Alley Cats Bong — $59.99
A smoke-grey glass cat with a matching hand pipe in the same series. Understated next to the food pieces, which makes it the pick for someone who wants character without a spectacle.
14. Wild West Moonshine Bong — $59.99
A 5.7-inch amber jug with XXX on the side and a curled glass handle. The most literal object-copy in the lineup and the easiest one to explain to someone who has never seen novelty glass.
15. High Jinx Cartoon Bong — $59.99
The 5.75-inch thumbs-up in the same white-glove cartoon style as the XL. Cheerful where its bigger sibling is confrontational, and the friendlier half of the series.
Section recap: Chinese Takeout leads on recognition, Balloon Dog XL on finish, That 70's Lamp XL on filtration. Everything at $59.99 is design preference at one price.
Which One Should You Get?
| If you want... | Get... | Price |
|---|---|---|
| The piece Hemper is known for | Chinese Takeout Bong | $59.99 |
| The best filtration | That 70's Lamp XL (double perc) | $119.99 |
| A perc without the XL price | Tea Cup Bong (showerhead perc) | $59.99 |
| The biggest statement | Balloon Dog XL (gold electroplated) | $119.99 |
| A gift for a gamer | Totally Rad Arcade | $59.99 |
| Something for October | Scare Bears Teddy Bear | $59.99 |
| Something that hides in plain sight | Bowlman Lantern | $59.99 |
| To match a Puffco Peak | A Hemper Peak Top | $79.99 |
Section recap: Three pieces have percs. Everything else is chosen on shape and price.
What to Know Before Buying Novelty Glass
- Joints are standard 14mm. Aftermarket bowls, downstems, and ash catchers fit, so you are not locked into the stock hardware.
- Sculpted features break first. Ears, tails, paws, handles, and chopsticks stick out and take the impact when a piece tips. Store these away from table edges.
- Electroplated finishes need gentler cleaning. The gold Balloon Dog XL should see mild glass cleaner rather than repeated harsh isopropyl soaks, which dull plating over time.
- Two designs come in two sizes. Chinese Takeout and Ramen Cup each have a standard and an XL, and price changes with size — check the selector on the product page.
- Fill just above the perc holes. Underfilling gives harsh smoke; overfilling pulls water into the mouthpiece.
Section recap: Standard 14mm joints, protect the protruding features, and go gentle on the gold plating.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Buying on shape alone when you want daily function — only three pieces have percs
- Missing that Chinese Takeout and Ramen Cup have two sizes at two prices
- Soaking the gold-electroplated Balloon Dog XL in harsh isopropyl
- Storing a sculpted piece near the edge of a table
- Assuming the joints are proprietary — they are standard 14mm
- Waiting on a single-unit piece, since most designs are one or two deep
Section recap: Check for a perc if you care about filtration, and check the size selector before assuming a price.
Bottom Line
Novelty glass is bought on the shape, and Hemper is better at shapes than anyone at this price. The Chinese Takeout is the one people recognize, the Balloon Dog XL is the one they photograph, and the That 70's Lamp XL is the one that actually filters. Everything at $59.99 comes down to which object makes you laugh.
What to Do Next
Start with the Chinese Takeout Bong from $59.99 if you want the signature piece, or the That 70's Lamp XL at $119.99 if filtration matters. The full Hemper collection runs 35 pieces including 11 hand pipes at $29.99 and 8 Puffco Peak Tops — our Peak Tops guide ranks those separately. Hemper's own lineup is at hemper.co. Most designs are one or two units deep, so walk in at 838 N Broadway in Downtown Los Angeles or order before a shape sells through.
Common Questions
How much do Hemper bongs cost?
Two price points. Standard bongs are $59.99 and run roughly 4.5 to 7 inches — Chinese Takeout, Ramen Cup, Sitting Balloon Dog, Tea Cup, Totally Rad Arcade, Scare Bears, Alley Cats, Wild West Moonshine, Bowlman Lantern, and High Jinx. XL bongs are $119.99 and run 6 to 11 inches — Balloon Dog XL, That 70's Lamp XL, Lucky Cat XL, Snail XL, High Jinx XL, plus the XL sizes of Chinese Takeout and Ramen Cup.
Which Hemper bong is the best?
It depends on what you are optimizing for. The Chinese Takeout Bong is the most recognizable design and the piece Hemper is known for, starting at $59.99. The That 70's Lamp XL at $119.99 has a double percolator, making it the best-filtering piece in the range. The Balloon Dog XL at $119.99 is the biggest visual statement with its gold electroplated finish. For function at the standard price, the Tea Cup Bong has a showerhead perc at $59.99.
Do Hemper bongs actually work or are they just decorative?
They are working borosilicate water pipes with standard 14mm joints, so aftermarket bowls and downstems fit. Most are straightforward diffused pieces where the shape is the point. Three have real percolators — the That 70's Lamp XL has a double perc, and the Snail XL and Tea Cup each have a showerhead perc. If filtration is your priority, choose from those three; the rest are chosen on shape.
What size are Hemper bong joints?
Standard 14mm, which means you are not locked into the bowl that ships with the piece. Aftermarket bowls, downstems, and ash catchers in 14mm will fit, so you can upgrade the hardware while keeping the shape you bought it for. This matters more on novelty glass than on plain tubes, since the sculpted body is the part you cannot replace.
How do I clean a Hemper bong?
Fill with 91% or higher isopropyl, add coarse salt, shake, then rinse thoroughly with warm water and air dry completely. One exception: the gold electroplated Balloon Dog XL should be cleaned with a mild glass cleaner instead, since repeated harsh isopropyl soaks dull electroplated finishes over time. Never rinse warm glass with cold water — sudden temperature changes crack borosilicate.
